Staying True

Have you ever thought back to your dreams as a child? How you pictured your life would be at your age now. When I was ten I wanted to join the Air Force, to be just like my older brother. At the age of fourteen I wanted to be a Photographer. By eighteen I wanted to be a Chef. Although my career choices changed drastically throughout the years my life goals had stayed the same. I would graduate high school, go off to college, already have met the love of my life by twenty two, get married, around twenty six start having children, and so on... I knew what ages I wanted to be for each thing I would accomplish in life. But that's not how life happened. Life took a different course than what I had imagined. At eighteen I graduated high school, found out I was pregnant, and had my baby ten days before I turned nineteen. That's nine years before I had originally planned on having any children. At nineteen I was a Nanny which is a career I would continue to date. Not too long after turning twenty I found out I was pregnant again. At the age of twenty one I was a mother of two. Now here I am twenty two a single mother of two.

Although my life went a different direction than I had planned and I didn't get to accomplish my goals in the order I originally wanted. Doesn't mean I can't accomplish them. For so long I thought that because life events went out of 'my order' meant that I couldn't still do what I originally had in mind. It wasn't until recently that someone helped open my eyes to see the bigger picture. Being here for my children is always going to be the most important thing in my life. In order to do so I need to provide a stable environment, financials, show them that being strong isn't just a physical attribute. My age at which I did things, or the order in which life events happened shouldn't stop me from sticking with my goals. I can still go to college, and do what ever career I want.  And some time down the road I will get married, and maybe another kid or two is still in store for me. I am going to stick with my life goals that I had as a kid. Because although things have happened over the years that have made me second guess certain things, those goals and dreams are still what I want very much in life. I'm not sure how or at what age they will all happen for me, but they will.

The thing is even though life can deal you a losing hand at times it's okay to fold and wait for the next hand. Because the next hand you get dealt could be the winning one. Life is a gable, it's our choice to match bet, go all in, or fold. For years I kept matching others bets until I could no longer keep up. Last year I folded, got dealt a new hand and now I'm seeing the game with fresh eyes. I may not come out ahead on this hand, but there are always more to follow. I don't know the outcome of this hand, but I do know that I am in control of the betting this time around. And only if I find it fit will the bets go up, I'll go all in, or I'll fold and await my new hand.